There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
