we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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