Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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