the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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