I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
