Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
