Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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