Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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