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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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