these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
