Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The power of my boobs compel you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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