I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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