News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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