I wish my penis had an off switch
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize