Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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