Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
