he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
