And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
false alarm. still invincible.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
