Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
