so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
