she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
