Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
