only if we run a train.
done.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
