i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We just shotgunned beers for America
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
