Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
