Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
