You made me cry and you don't even care
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
