I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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