Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
