awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
