She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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