if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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