He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
