By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
