No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
