I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
