My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
