So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
