Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize