so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
