Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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