So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
