You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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