Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
