I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
