She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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