Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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