we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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