I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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