haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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