just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
