I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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