Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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