your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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