My nipple is on Facebook.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
