Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
