I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
