is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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