i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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