Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There r osticjed everywhere
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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