we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
