At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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