really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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