life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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