I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
